Touch the fire twice
by katesshadow
Summary: Does Beckett end up taking Castle's help to solve her Mother's case? Set after 1x10, but also delves five or so years into Beckett's past. Beckett's POV. I know this isn't how it's going to pan out on the show, but it's fun to write regardless.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N - This is all Beckett's POV. **

**I don't own the characters, or claim to. They just run through my head at times.**

**All grammar and spelling mistakes are my own. I apologize in advance. Has been a crazy week.  
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**Enjoy!!!**

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I was ready for anything. Anything that Castle was going to throw at me.

"It's about your Mother."

Except that.

My heart splintered and I felt my defenses start to cover me. My body took a few steps back, my eyes still focused on Castle. My ears disbelieving what my brain was telling them I had just heard.

Then I heard a sound I hadn't heard in years. One I would be quite happy to never ever hear again.

Click, click, click.

My head jerked towards the sound. A nurse pushing a cart looked over at me and smiled.

In my mind's eye, I saw a gurney being pushed out a front door. A blood stained sheet covering a body. The gurney with a crappy wheel that clicked with every single rotation it made.

My heart started pounding and anger started to well up inside me.

I felt like walking over and slapping that smile right off her face.

My mind was pleading with me, _this isn't real, right?_

I took a deep breath in.

The sounds of the hospital started to flood my senses again. Every single noise seemed to demand attention. A beeping of a monitor, the mindless chatter of people around us, Doctor's barking orders, the clatter of medical equipment, and the ding of the elevator doors taking people to and from the wing.

I shook my head to get my thoughts together and my eyes lifted to meet Castle's.

One part of me was screaming to pummel my fists into him. Another part frantic to know what he had found.

But the feeling that was outweighing the last two was the desperate need to get out of that hospital and away from him.

"Beck..." I closed my eyes and raised my hand in front of his face to shush him.

Click, click, click_._

I opened my eyes and they narrowed towards the nurse.

My jaw clenched and I took another deep breath in. _Stay calm Beckett, just walk away._

"Beckett, please." Castle called after me, as I headed towards the elevator.

I slammed the palm of my hand against the down button, and the doors opened with a DING to a space overcrowded with people. I sighed inside.

_Of all the times an elevator could be empty, now would be a great time Universe._

My spine stiffened as I felt a presence at my back. Taking a step into the elevator I turned to face him and warned in a quiet voice that sounded a lot calmer than I felt, "If you take one step into this elevator, so help me Castle you will not see the next floor."

I saw a slight flinch at my words. Then, "Do you think I would actually come to you, unless I thought you should know?" He stated simply, with a sad hopelessness in his eyes.

The doors of the elevator closed in front of me. He and the clicking were on one side. I was on the other. It seemed to cut off our partnership in one movement.

As I reached my apartment door I realised that my teeth were still clenched so tightly, my jaw had started to ache. I could feel my chin tremble slightly and I bit my lip to try to keep my composure.

"_You touch my Mom's case and we're done_."

I had said that out loud, right? I can remember it clearly.

Apparently Castle can't. Or he can, but thinks he knows me better than I know myself..? Yeah that sounds about right. Arrogant, pig headed...

My hands trembled so much that I dropped my keys, as I fumbled for the right key to my door.

One searing tear dared to tumble down my cheek, and I brushed it away angrily.

_Just wait dammit...Until you're in your apartment at least._

Slamming my door closed behind me, I stormed down the hallway towards the kitchen.

_Come on Kate, you have to find out what he knows. You NEED to._

_NO! I don't, I can't._

Click, click, click.

I stopped, remained completely still and listened. Did I just hear that again? Or is my mind being exceptionally cruel tonight?

That sound had assaulted my senses in the dead quiet of the night. Every single night I heard it, over and over, for months.

I could feel a tightening in my chest, like a vice was gripping my lungs and squeezing.

I grabbed the remote to my iPod dock and pressed play. Paramore's Misery Business started blasting out of my stereo.

I leaned on my kitchen bench, dropped my head between my arms and took a deep breath in.

Looking up, I saw a glass sitting on the counter. At that point, it seemed to be screaming for vodka to fill it.

Grabbing the bottle out of my freezer, I filled the glass.

Taking a slow sip, I felt the warm burn of the vodka leave a trail down my throat to my stomach.

I focused on the steady beat of the drum. Let the music wash over me and calm me down.

"_You touch my Mom's case and we're done_."

How could Castle have looked into my Mom's case? After I had told him how this had almost killed me before. After knowing how this had affected my Dad he still poked around where I specifically told him not to

Pacing my living room, I felt anger coiled in my belly and work its way to my chest. With every breath I could feel it burning within me.

Really, though? Why did this surprise me, Castle was Castle after all. He'd do anything to have a good story. Look into anything, no matter who it affects.

More story for Nikki Heat, right?

If I was honest with myself though, more than anger I felt fear. Fear of going down that path again.

"_Every off duty moment, I spent looking for something someone missed." _

There was no way Castle had found something that I and everyone else had missed.

I had scoured every word on those files. Every letter that was written on those files, I knew. I knew it all intimately.

Taking another sip from my glass, I thought of all the people I had spoken to. I _had_ spoken to every person that had been on that case. There was no way I had missed anyone.

I raked my fingers through my hair and sunk onto my couch.

Unless he had spoken to someone that had never been involved with her case. Someone who had seen something that no one else had?

Taking a gulp from my glass I shook my head. There was nothing else to be found.

"_Do you think I would actually come to you, unless I thought you should know?"_

Had that someone found something? Or was I wasting my time getting all worked up over something I already knew?

Who would have found something? Who would he have gotten to look into this?

_Stop it Kate! You don't need to know this. _

_Are you serious? Of course you do! It might solve Mom's case!_

The logical and emotional parts of my brain were at war with each other. Could I risk opening these wounds again? I didn't just have mine to think about.

"_The same reason a recovering alcoholic doesn't drink."_

This had been my addiction, my drug of choice. I had drowned in it for 3 straight years of my life, without even realising it.

****

**5 and a half years ago**

Every waking moment all I saw were the pictures of the stab wounds, the crime scene, the pages of the case. My thoughts were always running through different scenarios, all of them ending the same way. They all lead nowhere.

My life had completely been put on hold. All my relationships put on hold.

Including the most important relationship in my life, the one I had with my Father.

I really hadn't meant for that to happen. We still spoke and saw each other, but I missed the things that were important. Like him drinking all the time. Not just a glass of scotch at night, but one before and with lunch, afternoon tea, dinner, dessert. Any occasion to celebrate deserved a toast. My promotions, the closing of another case, the fact that a day ended in Y, was a good enough reason for him.

I was there, but I wasn't. I would fill Dad in on Mom's case and deliberate over things with him and he would hmm and nod in the appropriate places. But I didn't see that this was one topic he didn't need to go over.

All he saw when I spoke of Mom's case, was us laughing in the car on the way home from dinner. Driving towards police cars parked in our driveway. A medical examiners van on the street and a Detective Raglan telling us we couldn't walk into our house.

The Detective told us _The Victim_ had been stabbed numerous times and hadn't made it. That the paramedics had tried, but there was nothing that they could do.

My throat caught on a sob and a crazed laugh ended up coming out.

I remember thinking, _she's dead? No, that's not her, that's someone else. Right?_

There was I, standing there in bewildered silence not knowing how to react to the seemingly pointless questions Raglan was asking. Not knowing how to be there for Dad.

Then I heard it. Click, click, click. I turned towards the front door of my childhood home and saw her body being rolled out on a gurney, a perfect whit sheet coving it. The only thing staining it was a bloodstain right in the middle of it. Then she disappeared into the ME's van. That sound filtered through the numb that had covered my senses and I got angry. Angry at the noise for making me feel.

I got so angry at the noise and it opened the flood gates. The tears started and I couldn't stop them. I sunk to the ground and just howled, hugging my knees to my chest.

Click, click, click. Over and over, that's all I heard for months yet to come.

All my thoughts were my Mother and her case, and that is one thing I have a hard time forgiving myself about. The fact that it had almost killed my Dad, which I felt I had contributed to heavily.

Random things made me lose it very easily after that.

Like velcro holding the handles on a sports bag together. I just couldn't see the point of it. You zipped the bag up and held the handles, so why did they need to be velcroed as well? Then the sound, it just frustrated me.

A person telling someone else something about my life. Whether it be a meaningless something or not, what gave them the right to tell that story? It wasn't theirs to tell.

Someone taking that bit of extra time to do something. I wasn't very patient.

I hadn't even realised it had become a problem. Until a case, where a woman was stabbed by a teenager got thrown on my desk.

I had pushed and pushed myself to find the murderer for her family. I had gotten violent with a suspect, in the interrogation room no less.

His confession was thrown out, but they managed to get him on the weapon and blood on clothes he had tried to trash.

I was put on desk duties and sent to a therapist.

I had been so unbelievably angry, when they'd told me my "punishment".

The therapist had no problem picking that up, since I said nothing for the first 5 or so sessions.

I then realised the way to get back onto cases, was to talk about things. So I started to talk.

Mainly just about work to begin with.

I made up some lame story about why I'd always wanted to become a homicide Detective.

Dr Shreve had somehow made this space an easy place for me to talk, about anything.

So slowly, my other world started coming pouring out, like a waterfall.

At first, each word that came out had been like a knife slicing through my heart. It felt like it was a betrayal to Mom's memory to be saying anything to this person. This person, who knew nothing about her.

But then, it changed. It seemed to feel like a huge weight had lifted off, to be able to have this neutral ground to talk it out on.

The clicking seemed to invade my nights a little less.

I told him about how they had never caught her killer. How they wanted it to be easy. They didn't _really_ look into it. It was too hard, so they said it was "gang violence".

He had questioned me on everything. He threw questions at me designed to change my way of thinking, without me realising that he was slowly changing it.

The anger slowly lessened as our sessions continued.

I started analysing how much this had actually affected me. Not just me, but also those around me. He asked about my relationships. How long it had been since I had had one.

It actually took me aback, to realise that it had been quite a while. I had casual relationships here and there, but nothing more than that. I hadn't had the time. I remembered sitting there and saying to him that it was just because I was focused on my career at the time.

Both of us knew I was lying. And he caught me on it.

I remember the arched eyebrows, then "Really Kate? Is it just your career?"

I looked away and mumbled a "Yes."

He made a hmmph sound, then "If you're not going to be honest with yourself Katherine, then we're not going to get anywhere."

I winced at the "Katherine". I felt like I was a child again, being caught with your hand in the cookie jar.

Our therapy sessions went like that. Depending on my mood, I could sometimes act like a child and be antagonistic. At other times I would see his logic and see how my thoughts and perceptions to the world were slowly changing.

"_It took almost a year of therapy to realise that it was going to destroy me. Unless I let it go. So I let it go."_

I remember waking up one morning and for the first time in a long time my first thought wasn't automatically of Mom's case. Then sat up, looked at the case files in the corner of my room and a wave of guilt overcome me.

I walked into Dr Shreve's office and told him about it. He said it was a good thing that it wasn't my first thought. And that the guilt was expected, since it had been my life for the past three years.

We talked it over and I somehow decided that it would be a good idea to keep the case files at work from now on. I could stay back at work and look them over, but it still gave me enough distance from them at home. He seemed pleased that I had come to this conclusion.

That night, I walked into my apartment and it seemed empty. Like a part of me was missing. My best friend was missing. It was the first time in three years I had been truly alone at night. I'd always had Mom, the coroner, about a million cops, suspects and other medical examiners around me in my head.

That was the first time I'd ever had a panic attack. The pain in my chest was like someone pushing a horse needle into my lungs a million times over. I couldn't breathe properly. I stumbled into my bathroom to splash water on my face.

I sunk to the floor and lay down on the cool tiles, trying to calm myself.

_What do I do now? What do normal people do?_ I remember thinking to myself.

I had finally realised that I had lost myself in the end. I ended up crying for what seemed like days. Crying for the loss of my Mother, for the loss of my Father, and lastly for the loss of myself for all those years.

I then vowed to myself that I'd never go back to who I had been during those three years.

I survived my detoxification by reading. Reading everything I could get my hands on. Reading anything, to take my mind off what my emotions were screaming at me to do.

Then my purpose in life shifted from my Mom's case, to getting my Dad back on track.

I took a few weeks off work and moved in with him. I got him into a good program. Sat with him throughout every painful second, and restored the relationship I had broken.

Through the detox, he hated me. He said I was killing him. Called me every name under the sun, even blamed me for Mom's death. I knew it was the addict in him screaming at me, so I took it. This wasn't about me for once.

Then slowly, Dad came back to me. He remained sober.

I went back to work and moved back into my apartment.

"_So I let it go." _

Two and a half years after that, Dad was still sober, and I hadn't touched Mom's case.

I let it go and was getting on with my life. I was even dating someone at that point.

Did I let it go though? How does anyone let the death of their Mother go? I learned to stop obsessing, I had learned to live with it, but if I was honest with myself, I could _never_ let it go.

Will asked me about what happened, and I had told him the basics. But apparently I talk in my sleep. He found out more when I was asleep, than when I was awake.

I had told him about how therapy and reading Richard Castle's books got me through the "detox" phase of my life.

Will Sorenson ended up seeing more of me, than anyone else ever had.

He also decided to look into Mom's case without me knowing.

I ended up finding a file on his desk one afternoon, while I was waiting for him to tie up a few loose ends on a case.

I spied the name Beckett on a piece of paper, with a whole lot of notes. The first line "Multiple stab wounds, no sexual assault..."

My brow furrowed and my heart started racing. Will had spoken to a FBI profiler to try and get more of an insight on the killer.

_Stop reading this, Kate. You've worked so hard to get everything back on track._

I threw some other paperwork on top of the case and sat down slowly in Will's chair.

Click, click, click.

My heart was still racing and my breath was coming in rapid puffs, like I had run 100 miles. I put my head in my hands and tried to calm myself.

"I didn't want to say anything until I'd found something concrete for you." I jumped at the voice.

Will was standing at the other side of the desk. He looked unsure of himself.

I stood and walked over to him. "Why? Why would you think I'd want this?" My voice sounded shaky, even to me.

He caught my waist and pulled me in for a hug. "I thought I could help, the FBI has better resources than the NYPD does."

My breath hitched and I choked out a sob, "So... did you find anything?" I asked unsure that I wanted to know.

His hands rubbed my back soothingly, "I'm sorry. I've gone over everything and I can't find anything that you haven't."

I nodded and pushed myself away from him. "I need to go. I... need to be alone tonight. I'll, uh. I'll call you later." I left him standing in his office.

I turned off my phones, and I downed a bottle of vodka that night, and sat there in numbed silence for a few hours. Then cried and passed out.

The clicking came back that night. It had sounded louder than I remembered it.

I told Will this was one thing I had to do alone, if I ever went down that path again.

That was one huge IF that I wasn't sure I could ever go back to.

I told Will to leave the case alone, and while he had argued to begin with, he ended up agreeing and we'd gone about our lives from there.

Until he had decided to move to Boston. I learned then and there that things didn't have a happy ending, well at least in this girl's life.

***

**Present Day.**

"_I never thought I would be saying this, but I don't think I could've done it without Castle."_

He did have a thing for being in the right place at the right time. Sometimes he just knew things, I couldn't explain it. It's like he just guesses and it either works out or it triggers something to make it work.

Could it be the same with my Mom's case?

The logical part of my brain started at me...What would I be saying to the person with information about one of my cases? I would be doing my all to get them to talk. To find out information for my victims family.

_So why can't you do it for your own family? For your own Mother?_

_Cos I've already been down there!_

I've found that sometimes time can be nothing but pain in disguise. You think you've healed, and so does everyone else.

But it's more like you've ripped the bandaid off, only to see the wound is still as bad as it was a week ago.

Three days later, and the silence was killing me. Castle hadn't called. He hadn't been into the office, bugging me over cases.

He had completely left me to come to him. To make my own mind up about this.

Could I handle dealing with it with Castle helping me?

"_Most people come up against a wall and they give up. Not you. You don't let go, you don't back down. It's what makes you extraordinary."_

I don't back down. I'm not that sort of person. I came up against my wall, and I learned to climb over it and keep going.

Castle would not have come to me, unless he had found something tangible. He knows what this would be doing to me, but he still came to me.

He doesn't just want a story; that accusation was unfair of me to make. I do know that much about him, all in all he wouldn't do anything to hurt me, unless it was for my benefit in the long run.

I should know better than to touch the fire twice... but then again, is this all we get to be absolutely sure about what we think we know?

If an opportunity knocks on my door, do I ignore it? Or take it and see where it leads me? If I turn this one down, will another one come up?

I picked up my cell and dialled. "Hey Castle. Yeah it's me, Beckett. I need you to tell me everything. Do you want to meet me at my place in an hour...?"


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N - ****Yep took a while, I know, but ****a few asked for more to this story, so here you go!  
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**There are a few more chapters I'm working on, so I hope you enjoy. Comments are love guys.**

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I called Dr Shreve's office that morning, before making up my mind to ring Castle, asking him to come over.

As soon as I walked into his office, I felt the tension in me ease a little.

The smell of the place calmed me. It was a mix of an oaky wood and old books that were kept on the shelf. It was like when you walk into an old friends' place and instantly you knew that in here you were safe.

Last time we spoke, was after Will left for Boston. I had been so hurt and confused over him just leaving, I thought Dr Shreve might be able to make me see where I had gone wrong.

If I'd done anything to make Will move to Boston, why he had made a decision that hadn't included me. Why he'd assumed I wouldn't go with him.

In the end, we ended up somewhat agreeing on the fact that it was his decision and ultimately I had no power over that.

As I sat on the chair across from Dr Shreve, I told him about my life during the last few months. Of being partnered up with Castle, of Will being back in New York. And lastly, what Castle had told me at the hospital.

Dr Shreve asked me where I was thinking this new information about my Mother would lead.

I bit the inside of my cheek and thought, _where did I think this was going to go?_

"I suppose it depends on what he has to tell me." I answered hesitantly.

I winced inwardly, as I saw him peer over his glasses at me. _Damn it, Beckett! Get it together._

"Why did you hesitate before you answered, Kate?" He asked patiently.

I crossed my legs and started picking at my jeans. "Well, I doubt he has anything to tell me that I don't already know."

One eyebrow arched, "Do you _really_ believe that, Kate?"

I crossed my arms, "Yes." I felt like a child not getting their own way.

"Okay, Kate. I know you need to have control of every situation, but _you_ came to me. So how about stopping the defensive early today huh?" He said in an unimpressed tone. "You wanted to talk about this, right?"

I bit my lip and nodded. "I do, but I just... I don't know."

Dr Shreve cocked his head to the side, "What don't you know?"

I lifted my head and looked him in the eye. "I don't know if I can go down there again." Then, "I don't want to be the person I was then." I said just above a whisper.

His eyes never left mine as he sat back into his chair. "You have at least two things now that you didn't have back then. One, is that fear. The fear of being someone you don't want to be again. That fear will more than likely keep you from going down that track again. You'll recognize the signs and if you're the smart woman I know you are, you'll stop it before it takes you over again." He paused and I felt his eyes piercing into mine, like he was willing me to understand this fully. "Second, I don't know much about this part of your life, but this Castle seems to be a good influence on you. He obviously cares for and respects you if he looked into this for you. Then he came and told you, which seems to me to mean a lot, especially after you had threatened to end your partnership with him." He paused. "Which takes me back to my original question. Do you believe that he has something to tell you about the case, that you already know?"

At that point, it felt like everything around me was closing in.

I chewed the inside of my cheek, and cleared my throat. "Yes, I do. I mean, what could he find that no one else has been able to?" I frowned and bit the inside of my cheek again. "That being said though... He has this weird way of figuring things out in cases that none of us would think of. Well, not initially anyway." I shook my head, "No. There's no way that I, or Will, or anyone else, missed something on her case."

There seemed to be a dead quiet in this office. I couldn't even hear any noises coming from the reception area.

It was like everyone one in the world wanted to know where this was going.

Dr Shreve hmmphed and sat back in his chair again. His eyebrows came together and his forehead furrowed. "I don't think you believe that at all, Kate. I think you're lying, not only to me, but yourself as well. I think it's more likely that a tiny part of you wants to believe that, but the majority knows it's more than that. Do you really think it's plausible that he would come to you with something trivial that he knows you would have already looked into or thought of?"

"Well, he may not think it's trivial. He may think its some major breakthrough..." I stopped when Dr Shreve's expression changed from patience to annoyance. I looked down at my jeans again as he forced me to actually think about it, not just the bits I wanted to listen to. "No, it's not. I know our... partnership means something to Castle and I know he knows what this would be doing to me."

I looked up and brushed the wetness from my eyes.

"So, what do you think you should do about this situation then?"

The sound of his secretary tapping away on the keyboard suddenly filled my ears.

I looked out the window and saw it was a gorgeous day outside. And at that point, I hated the blue sky and shining sun. Irrational I know. But why should it be beautiful outside when I had to make a decision that was tearing me apart inside?

"Did I tell you that the clicking started again?" I tried to deflect the question I didn't know the answer to yet.

"No, you didn't Kate." He put his hands under his chin and leaned on them. "You're also deflecting. But you know that."

"I don't know the answer." I stated hopelessly. "That's why I'm here.. I want so desperately for this information to be something I don't already know. But at the same time, I'm completely terrified that it will be something I don't know.

But then if it's something I already know, it's like some sort of hope is dangled in front of me, but every time it gets yanked away just before I get there. Then I get broken hearted all over again. And every time it feels like I'm screaming for air. I cry louder and louder, but no one hears me." By that point there was burning lump in my throat that felt like it was the size of a tennis ball. The metallic taste of blood was on the tip of my tongue, and I realized I was biting my lip so hard I had drawn blood.

"And you think that you're going to end up broken hearted again?"

I nodded, not trusting my voice.

Dr Shreve took his glasses off and looked at me seriously. "Do you always question Castle's intentions?"

I frowned. "What do you mean?"

His lips drew together to form a thin line. Then, "Well I hear that you're scared of finding out something you don't know.. But, you're also afraid of him telling you something you already know. That's what's holding you back. Because you've invested a fair bit of hope in this already, haven't you?"

My chin trembled and licked my lower lip. The stinging pain from where I broke the skin previously made me wince. I nodded again.

"So what happens if you don't end up broken? What happens if the hope that's dangling in front of you becomes something you can grab a hold of and run with?" He questioned quietly.

_What would happen? What happens if it solves her case? Can I handle Castle being the one that helps crack the case and lets me move on?_

"I don't know. Would my life just go on? I've forgotten how it feels not like to be lost, well a part of me anyway. My job keeps me pretty stable, but it's always been in the back of my mind. I just haven't allowed myself to venture into it. I've kept myself busy enough to not focus on it anymore. I guess it all depends if we get the guy who did it in the long run."

"Hmmm... So are you going take that chance where you may end up exactly as you are, or are you going to take that chance where you may or may not end up moving on from this?"

_He was right. I could either end up exactly the same, or head towards solving Mom's case._

"I guess I'm going to jump." I said getting up out of my chair and getting my cell out of my pocket.

***

I had been sitting in complete silence, my leg bouncing, still mulling over whether I was going to regret this or not.

You don't realize how loud silence actually is, when the only sound around you is your heart beat and your thoughts.

I hated silence. Sometimes it screams the truth you don't want to hear.

I grabbed my remote and pressed the random play button. The soft sound of Snow Patrol started filling my apartment.

My thoughts and feelings were still at war. One was still convinced he knew nothing I didn't already know. The other was still terrified that he had something I didn't know.

So I had vacuumed, dusted, rearranged my books and DVDs into alphabetical order, threw the dishwasher on.

I was doing anything to distract myself and quieten the voices running around in my head.

I was waiting for the clicking to start again. It hadn't woken me once I fell asleep, but it had kept me until 4am. I had run on my treadmill for about 3hrs to try and get it to stop.

Luckily I hadn't been called into the office during the night. I had gone in at 9am, and walked back out at 11am.

A few rapid knocks sounded at my door.

I got up from the couch, stopped in front of the door and took a deep breath in. My heart pounding in anticipation of what was about to come.

I opened the door to a smiling Castle, "Nice to see you Detective Beckett. You're looking lovely today." He said striding into my apartment.

"Thanks..?" I looked down at my jeans and casual white t-shirt. "Come on in.." I said sarcastically.

I loved my place, but I felt a little intimidated with him in my apartment. Compared to his place? Mine now seemed like a cardboard box. He'd taken over my workplace, and now he seemed to be taking over my personal life too.

He was taking in everything in my lounge room.

He walked over to my bookshelf and I cursed myself for not hiding my book collection. I had meant to at least hide the Castle collection, but I had gotten distracted with DVD's after rearranging my books.

"That's a nice Richard Castle book collection you have there Beckett. I hear he's a pretty good writer..." He ran his finger tip along the spines. "You seem to have every single book." He smirked over at me.

I felt my stomach drop slightly, then pursed my lips and retorted, "We needed them for the first case you came in on. Remember? The maybe deranged copycat killer fan?"

He grabbed one and opened the front cover. Of all the books he could have picked up, he grabbed Flowers For Your Grave. I took the few steps between us and tried to snatch it off him.

"Castle... Castle, stop!" I said as he kept moving it out of my reach.

He flipped to the front page and started to mock read, "To Kate, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed getting to check you out while you were waiting in line. Love... Well it's from me." Castle read off the page and looked up at me. "You waited in line to see me and get this signed? How do I not remember that?" His brow creased as he tried to remember. "That would have been years ago. Before we ever met... You _are_ a fan! You've been on my website longer than you let on! Seriously are you castlefreak1212? Cos if you are, you said some pretty..."

I could feel my cheeks burning a deep shade of red.

"Yeah, yeah okay." I interrupted. I grabbed the book, slammed the cover shut and threw it onto the couch. "So I was a fan of your writing. That was until I met you anyway." I smirked and arched an eyebrow at him.

"Ouch! You wound me deep, Beckett." He went and sat on the couch.

"Do you want something to drink? Water? Coffee?" I said sobering back into my serious mood. I shoved my hands into the back pockets of my jeans.

"Coffee sounds great. As long as you don't have the same stuff that you guys used to drink at the office." He did a mock shudder and I laughed.

"No, I have proper coffee and a coffee machine." I threw over my shoulder as I walked into the kitchen.

He followed and sat on a chair on the other side of the kitchen bench.

As I fussed about getting the coffee, I looked over at him. "So I'm going to start the serious side of the reason you're here." I paused and he nodded, his demeanour changing to serious. "Our partnership was never meant to be like this. It was meant to be you shadowing me. You getting pointers about how cases are solved, blah, blah, blah. It was never meant to be you looking into my private life and certainly not you looking into my Mother's case. Do you understand that?"

Castle nodded again. "In my defense, I was only trying to help out. I was trying to repay you for helping me out. For giving me my new character and set of books. I should have come to you first, I realize that now. I'm sorry." He sounded sincere, and I couldn't help but silently forgive him. "Coffee is ready."

I looked down and found the cups almost overflowing. "Dammit." I cursed, before pulling the mugs out.

"They'll be fine. Just add cream and sugar."

I scowled down at the mugs, then added the cream and sugar to his and passed it over the bench. I decided to go with water.

"What did you mean by 'set of books'"? My eyes narrowed in his direction, before I walked over to the couch.

"Well it turns out one book isn't enough for Nikki Heat. And you have way more character to share with me." He winked.

"Right..." I was looking intently into my cup of water, trying to figure out how to bring this up.

Castle shifted to face me. His left leg was on the couch, bent at the knee and his foot hanging off the edge.

He cleared his throat, "So... Uh... I guess I'll start, since we've skirted around the subject enough...."

My heart rate started to increase. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath in and nodded.

"Are you okay?" I lifted my head towards his voice and I met his intense gaze.

I swallowed a gulp of water around the lump that had formed in my throat. I nodded again. "Yep, I'm fine.. Let's get this over with, before I change my mind."

"Okay then. I decided to look into your Mother's case after that socialite mother got murdered. I don't know what I was thinking, except to try and help. So I asked my friend, who is a forensic pathologist to look into the case. Just to see if he could see anything someone else had missed. Or to see if he could think of any other cases like this. He told me not to hope for too much, due to the case being cold.

Then I asked you about looking into the case with me, and you threatened to end our partnership..."

"Castle, I need you to get to the point." I interrupted.

"Right. So he came back to me with some information three days ago. He's found a link with 3 other murders that happened around the same time as your Mother's."

I hesitated, my mind racing a million miles an hour.

_A link? An actual link? What kind of link? How did they find it in a couple of days? Calm it down, you were preparing yourself for this, remember?_

"What kind of link?" I asked sceptically.

His brow furrowed, and a look of concern creased his forehead. "The stab wounds. And a sample of DNA left at the crime scene."

My eyebrows drew together as I ran over the case in my head. _The only DNA on the scene was Mom's, mine and Dad's. That was expected though, it was in our house.._

"Tell me about the stab wounds."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N - A bit of a short chapter guys. Will update soon!**

* * *

Castle pulled out a very familiar manilla folder and placed in on the table in between us.

I reached out and touched the picture of my Mother that was paper clipped to the front of it.

I had the most ridiculous urge to say "Hi, Mom. It's been a long time" out loud. I had shared enough of crazy me with Castle though, so I kept it to myself.

I cleared my throat and pushed the folder towards him.

He grasped it tentatively and looked over at me. It was like he was silently asking me if I was sure I had finished with it.

Suddenly the music that was still playing in the background softly was annoying me. I grabbed the remote for my stereo and switched it off.

"So, the stab wounds..." I started, dropping the remote to the table and placing my palms on my thighs.

"Right. Yes, the stab wounds." He shuffled through the papers in file. It looked thicker than I remembered.

"We know that there were multiple stab wounds. But what wasn't mentioned in the original report was that the ones to her upper body were just for show. The one to the kidney was the one that killed her..."

I felt disappointment start to well up. _This had better not be the big crack in the case..._

"Which I already know..." I interrupted, impatiently.

"But," Castle looked up from the file and held a finger up at me, telling me to hold off on comments just yet. Looking back down at the file, "not only was she stabbed in the kidney, but he also twisted the knife and kept it there. The twisting of the knife would have put Joanna's body into shock." He paused. "It would have paralyzed her. So we're thinking he may have a medical background, or at least a basic enough knowledge of how to do it without killing straight away."

_That, I hadn't known already._

I took a deep breath in, and tried to switch into complete detective mode. I tried to not think of her lying there on her stomach, with a knife held in her back. Some crazy person looming over her, and her terrified thinking she was going to die.

I have to try and distance myself from the fact that this was my Mother.

_Act like this is another victim, Beckett. You can miss things when you're emotionally involved in a case. _

Trying to push all the thoughts of Mom lying there aside, I asked "Why are we thinking medical background? How long would she have... lasted like that? Conscious of what was happening."

Castle flipped through the pages of the file again. "At the very least? An hour.. Especially since it's been determined that he kept the knife in place for most of the time. Dr Death thinks the perp did it to keep her alive for some reason, thus medical knowledge."

_An hour? We had been gone two. If we had gone back earlier... Stop it! You can't do that, Beckett. Even if we had gone back early...NO! You've been there before. It doesn't do anyone any good. _

I massaged my temples lightly to try and get those thoughts out, "Why would he have wanted to keep her alive? So this Dr... Death? How did he figure that?"

"It's just the nickname Mom and I have for him. He helps me with..."

"I don't need to know, moving on with how he figured out the stab that killed her." I interrupted again.

_Short temper today huh, Beckett. Tone it down a bit._

Castle didn't even blink. "Well he kept the knife in place. He knew he had a limited amount of time before she would lose consciousness, or bleed out if he shifted the knife. As for why, I was hoping you could help with that."

_Why would he have? My mother was just a normal Mom. What could she have had to tell him?_

"Okay, so how do these stab wounds link up with three others?"

"So the stab wounds to the upper body were for show right? They were only done after she had died. The others had the same wounds, but they contributed to their deaths. The blood had coagulated around their stab wounds. Joanna's had no blood pooling around the wounds. Theirs were more frenzied. The wounds weren't precise like hers."

"Why is this sounding more like a targeted killing, than a random one? So why did he wait for the original stabbing to kill her, but not for the others?"

"That's what we're not sure on. That's why I'm thinking he must have wanted something from her specifically. Maybe she didn't give it up..?" He asked, looking up from the case file.

My mind was racing through conversations I'd had with my Mom just before she died. Places she had gone, reactions she'd had to situations, anything. My head started to throb, when I realized I couldn't think of anything that could explain how she could have been targeted.

I put my head in my hands for a second, before looking up, feeling helpless. Again, I felt like I was failing her. "What would my Mother have known? She worked in retail one day a week. My Dad had his own business. They lived normal parent lives."

"Well, if you have a look at the other victims, they all look alike." He placed the pictures of the other victims in front of me. "And they all have a similar background. I'm thinking he may have been searching for someone, but didn't know who they were exactly."

_They all do look alike. Different, but all had the similar features. Same hair colour, eye colour, etc._

"What do you mean by similar backgrounds?" I probed, wanting more information on them.

"Well all of them only are the same age, have one child, are married and live around the same area. They all also grew up in the same area."

"Why the hell wasn't this picked up before?"

"The M.E had a million other cases? The labs didn't process properly? I don't know, Beckett. Dr Death says the M.E dismissed all of them as random. Which is also a cause for concern. All of them were killed around the same time, so you'd think that would stick out, right?"

I felt the start of a deep seated rage seethe within me again. _Focus on something else._

"So did your friend talk to the M.E or the labs or anyone?"

"No, but I had a look into them before speaking to you the other night."

"Of course you did..." Annoyance was now pricking my senses. _You want to know the rest, right?_

I raised my eyebrows and gestured for him to continue.

"Well turns out that the lab who conducted all the forensics is now closed. They apparently had a few screw ups that let a fair few people out of jail, innocent and guilty."

"Seriously?" I ran my hands through my hair in frustration.

"It's no wonder that you weren't able to get anywhere. My friend found the original lab results and had a look at them more closely, instead of just relying on the report that had been typed up. He also thinks someone tampered with the results. The report doesn't match up with the results..." He frowned at the file, scanning the rest of the page.

"Okay, so we have DNA?" I asked slowly, holding my breath.

"Well originally all DNA was excluded, right? They said the only DNA was yours, your Fathers and Joanna's?"

"Yes, but we were excluded. It was our house, so of course our DNA was going to be all over it. We also had alibi's from the restaurant." I defended automatically.

"I wasn't accusing, just trying to get the facts straight."

_He's just trying to help. _Suddenly I felt guilty for snapping. "Sorry, automatic reaction."

"Well it turns out that yours and your Father's DNA wasn't the only in the house. It looks like there was someone else too."

"Again, how was this not picked up? Even with the doctored result report? How has your 'Dr Death' been able to find something when no one else has?"

"This is his field. No one else with a forensic pathology background has looked into this before for you. He found that the DNA differed to yours on a few levels. It's male DNA, but not your Father's."

"So does he know who the killer is?" My pulse started racing, I tried to calm it by telling myself not to get too hopeful.

"Well, he knows it's a guy."

"I got that from the male DNA part."

"Well... Does your Mother have any close male relatives? Like a brother or something?"

"No, there's no one on my Mother's side..." I stopped, thinking about what he had just asked. "Hang on, so the DNA found..." My brain wasn't wanting to formulate the rest of that sentence. It just didn't make any sense.

"Is from a guy that's related to you."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N - Sorry it's been a while. I promise I have the story mapped out, it's just getting the time to actually write it. **

**I know this isn't how it's going to pan out on the show, but it's fun to write regardless. Hope you like!  
**

* * *

My eyes widened as I felt a hand on top of mine, and I came crashing back into reality.

I pulled my hand away. "I'm, sorry. What?" I had been going through all the different scenarios that allowed this to be right. My mother had a brother? Or did I? If I did, does dad know about it? He'd have to, right? So why didn't I know about it? And if mom _did_ had a brother, why didn't we know about that? She'd always said she was an only child.

"I was saying that more so this guy was related to your Mother, but you too. Are you okay? This is a lot to take in." Concern toned his voice.

I ran a hand through my hair. "Yeah I'm, uh I don't know. I'm a little confused, I guess. At the moment, I'm really wondering if my father knows. Or did she keep this from both of us?" I was frustrated at myself for not finding this information out earlier.

_Why hadn't mom trusted me enough to let me in on this? _A pang of hurt sat hard on my chest when that thought entered my mind.

_More importantly, you should be asking yourself what had actually happened to make her keep this from everyone?_

I picked up the pictures of all the women connected to this case. _Why kill these four?_ "If this guy had a connection to my mom, then he had an apparent motive for killing her." Saying those words out loud had hurt. Someone had a motive for killing my mother. I took a breath in and kept going, "But the others, what's the connection? Other than the obvious similarities with the way they looked."

Castle shrugged, and his mouth twisted as he thought. "It could be as I said before, maybe he didn't know who he was looking for exactly? That could explain the others. Especially since there have been no other murders since your mom's."

"So why did he start to begin with? What triggered it?" Castle added, voicing my thoughts.

"Exactly what I was thinking... What triggered him..." I sat with my elbows on my thighs, chin resting on my palms.

_Where do we go from here? The M.E? _

A laugh bubbled up into my throat. _I'm sure Dr McCauley will be thrilled to see me again. _I thought, sarcastically.

"Well I was thinking we could start by going to see the M.E or the person who ran the labs. Then go from there?" Castle looked hopeful. Kind of like a child who was waiting to see if this was the right answer.

I couldn't help the small grin that came from his suggestion.

"What? It's a good start. Unless, you know, you're just happy sitting here throwing around theories."

"No that does sound like a good start. I was just thinking how happy Dr McCauley will be to see me again, after so long. Our last meeting was just before... Everything happened last time. Let's just say I wasn't that pleasant." My cheeks heated with embarrassment.

"Really? You not being pleasant, Beckett? I can't imagine that." He cocked an eyebrow and smirked.

"Yeah it's a shocker. Have we got the name of the guy who ran the labs? Since the place is closed down now." I asked, going back into detective mode again.

"That we do," Castle flipped some more pages in the file. "His name is or was Ben Carper."

_Ben Carper. What could you have wanted with my mother?_

"Has anyone looked him up?"

"Not yet. I thought I'd wait to see what you wanted to do before looking this guy up."

"Okay, well Dr McCauley could be a good start. Maybe he can help clear up the results screw up. We should find out whether it was their problem or the M.E's."

"Ten bucks says the M.E says it was the lab's fault." Castle said taking his wallet out.

I shook my head with a smile and stood up, walking over the bench where my cell phone was. Even in this mess, Castle was trying to take my mind off it, if only for a second. You don't realize that a small moment of laughter made a heavy situation all the more lighter. "I'm going to call the office and tell them I won't be in for a few days."

"Oh yeah, can you tell them I won't be in either." He said like they wouldn't know what they would do without him there.

I shot him an 'are you serious' look, and scoffed. "Yeah, I'm sure they'll be crushed. I don't know how they'll go on without you."

"I know, right. I don't know how they've handled everything without us there."

**

The car trip over to the morgue had been quiet. Actually going to see the M.E again after so many years made this so much more real. Just talking about it was one thing, but actually following up on a lead? Apprehension was still weighing heavily on my chest. I felt like I was going to have more information than when I started and would end up _still_ not being able to do anything with it.

Castle had told me about Alexis' prom. The Dr Jekyll outfit he had planned and was wearing until Alexis had stopped him from answering the door.

I don't think I had heard him sound so disappointed before, that he couldn't go through with his plan. I had to laugh at the image that brought to mind. Castle was still trying to take my mind off everything.

It made me think of what my father did to my date. Which made think of my father in general, and whether he knew about this relative. Did he know that mom had a brother? Or, that I had a brother? Was it his son too?

I heard, "Earth to Beckett. Beckett, are you in there?" I blinked and looked around. We were already at the Morgue. I had driven here on auto pilot. Not thinking or realizing where I was.

My knuckles were aching. I looked down to see that my knuckles were white against the steering wheel. I peeled my death grip from it.

"Sorry, was lost in my thoughts." I murmured, tugging at the bottom of my jacket, straightening it.

"Ready to go in?" We asked each other at the same time.

"I'm ready when you are, Beckett." He said, watching me intently.

He seemed to be looking at me like I was a piece of glass that he couldn't push too hard on. Because everyone knows, if you push hard enough glass eventually breaks.

Maybe, I was reading too much into a look.

I glanced at myself in the rear view mirror.

_No wonder he's looking at you like that. Get that pathetically unsure look off your face. You're a lot more than that sort of woman. You don't need to be saved. You saved yourself, remember?_

I took the keys out of the ignition. Today, the grating of the keys sliding out of the ignition was harsh on my ears.

I looked up at the building I had walked into so many times before. Today it seemed to be looming over me. _It's just like walking into the Morgue every other day for work... Except it won't be like every other day. _

_Time to put your brave face on, Beckett._

I could hear the distant wailing of a siren. The traffic rushing by us. Pedestrians hurrying past to get to their destinations, talking on cell phones.

_Life goes on, Beckett._

I jutted my chin, "Ready as I'll ever be."

**

We strode into the morgue and asked for McCauley. Castle had called the morgue while I had been on the phone to the office, to make sure he was in.

The receptionist lifted her head and looked at us with a practiced sympathy, "Are you here to view a family member?"

I flashed my badge at her, "No, I'm here to speak to McCauley. Where is he at the moment?" I sounded more impatient than I meant.

"Oh, I'm sorry Detective. Umm, he's up in his office. Third floor, office at the ..."

I turned and headed towards the elevator. I knew where his office was. _I've been here enough to remember,_ I thought sarcastically.

I heard Castle thank the girl and apologize for my "surliness".

I heard his footsteps behind me, as I waited for the elevator.

"Surliness, seriously?" I asked, hands on hips.

"The girl was just doing her job and you sounded snippy." He said, brushing something off his shirt.

The elevator doors dinged open. "I was impatient, not 'snippy'. Who uses the word snippy these days anyway?" I hit the third floor button.

"Are you able to flash your badge when we're not here 'officially'?" He questioned a glimmer of mischief in his smirk.

"Who says we're not here 'officially'. Who's going to know?" I challenged, one eyebrow arched.

"Woah, Detective Kate Beckett does break the rules every now again. You keep surprising me." He sounded impressed.

I rolled my eyes at him.

"So how do you want this to go? Do we start off easy and get on his good side and then WHAM! We go in asking him how he missed the results. Or do you want to just go for it straight off the bat?" He was like a teenager about to take his parents car out for a spin by himself, without their knowledge of course.

I had been thinking about this, and I still had no idea. I would love to just go for the jugular and make him bleed if he was screwed this up, but that may get us nowhere.

But would going slowly get us anywhere?

"Let's go in and just take it as it comes." I said knocking on the office door.

I walked in before he responded.

He looked up from the paperwork on his desk, as we walked in. "Sergeant Beckett.. _Always_ a pleasure to see you. What brings you back to this part of the city?" He greeted us, not sounding the least bit interested in knowing the answer.

Castle laughed, "Wow, now didn't that sound like he meant it!" He leaned towards me and whispered, "Does he know you're a Detective, or is he trying to belittle you?"

I cleared my throat and shot Castle a frown. "Dr McCauley, it's actually Detective Beckett now. This is Richard Castle. I'm here for the same reason as always, Joanna Beckett's case."

He sighed loudly and shook his head slowly. "We've gone over this numerous times before, _Detective_ Beckett. I thought, since you hadn't been in here in so many years, that you had finally let go of this. Now you come back, and with a _writer_?" His tone was one of disapproval.

"Well it turns out when Richard Castle is at your dispense, so are numerous professionals within the forensic field. So I guess that means we're looking into this again."

"Apparently I have some valuable connections, even if I am just 'a writer'." Castle smiled easily at him.

Eyebrows drew together behind the silver rimmed glasses, McCauley always wore. "So what have these so called "professionals" found?" He sounded sceptical.

Castle but in before I could answer. "Not too much, I guess..." McCauley scoffed gave him a look that screamed his boredom with this conversation, and started shuffling through his paperwork. He seemed to have believed he had dismissed us.

"Oh!" Castle said an octave higher than normal, like he had just recalled something to mind. He slapped both palms flat against McCauley's desk, causing the older man to look up sharply. "Unless you think a link to three other murders from around the same time is something. And DNA from the guy that was in the house with Joanna." He stated casually, like he was talking about the weather.

The previous boredom had evaporated. It had replaced with a look of uncertainty.

He glanced back and forth between Castle and I. Like he was waiting for us to tell him we were joking. When we said nothing to confirm or deny, his eyes narrowed in indecision.

It was like he was weighing up the improbability of someone finding something he missed.

"You found a link to three other murders?" His eyes focused in on me, his voice still laced with doubt.

"Well no, I didn't find it." I confessed, taking a seat in front of his desk. "Have you heard of Dr Davis McKinnley? One of the most acclaimed forensic pathologists in New York?" I let that sink in for a second. "He found the link and the DNA. It seems like you happened to miss some pretty critical details from your own case."

I sat back and crossed my arms across my chest. I had the satisfaction of watching the cynical expression change quickly to indignation with the slightest tinge of fear and self doubt.

"You harassed me for months, we went over and over every single little detail." He spluttered.

"Exactly, we _had_ gone over everything. Which is why I'm not understanding why you didn't pick this up before. Unless you had something to hide..." My voice trailed off.

He stood up, red faced. "I do not appreciate you bursting in here and accusing me of this... this... in my own office!"

Castle and I looked at each other. "Does that sound like a guilty conscience talking, to you, Detective Beckett?" He asked lips pursed in mocked thought.

My eyebrows drew together as I pretended to think about this. "Well, I mean, it could be. Most people would at least ask how we figured they'd missed these details first. Or at least ask for some sort of information to back up what we're accusing him of...." I turned to face McCauley again, eyebrows raised in question.

My whole body was humming with anticipation. This was where I was most comfortable, interrogating someone.

McCauley looked flustered, like he was at war with himself.

He sat back down heavily and looked over at us. "Okay, so what information do you have to back up your accusations?"

Castle grabbed his bag, pulled out the manilla folder and threw it on his desk. "Check it out for yourself."

The M.E fumbled with the folder. He cleared his throat and tried again.

I waited with practiced patience while he flipped through the pages. I wondered what was going through his mind. After all these years, and all the times I had been here going over everything with him, someone else had been able to see something that we had both missed. I wondered if that was hurting him as much as it was for me.

Castle was bouncing the heel of his shoe against the steel of the chair leg, smiling as the M.E read. I cleared my throat and shot him a look, and the foot stilled. A silent sorry was mouthed in my direction.

With each flip of the page, McCauley seemed to look more and more hopeless. Then he stopped, and looked over at me in confusion. Got up and marched over to his filing cabinet, pulled a file and sat back down at the desk.

"What is it?" I frowned, leaning forward to see what he pulled from the cabinet. It was Mom's case in duplicate.

Except this copy had notes scribbled all over them. I saw him take out what looked like the lab results report.

"This isn't right. The original results report is different from the one you have. How is that possible?" He looked at the DNA analysis again, then at the report. "Either the original was doctored to state it was your DNA, or someone didn't look at the analysis correctly."

"Isn't someone employed to check these sort of mistakes?" Castle shot at him.

"Yeah, well I don't know if you've heard, but that lab turned out to be pretty dodgy. But Carper, the guy that did the analysis and the report, he was always really thorough. He never made any mistakes."

"Looks like there's a first time for everything." I said in a clipped tone. Mistakes happen, I know this. But this wasn't any other case.

**

"Is the excuse "I was overworked and under staffed at the time," good enough to have missed a link between four cases?" Castle asked when we got back to the car. Scepticism laced his tone.

I had thought _You were overworked, seriously? That's all you have to say? That's my Mother you're talking about!_ I had almost jumped across the desk and rung his neck. My fists and jaw clenched, I closed my eyes and counted to ten.

Castle had continued to question him about Carper and the case.

I had focused on his responses and the reactions he'd had to the information. _Distance yourself._ I had told myself sternly. I missed all these details before, I couldn't do that again.

So McCauley hadn't connected the stab wounds. But the fact that his report was different from the one we now had, was his lucky card. The fact that we now know that someone had switched them.

"The only thing that saved him was his reaction to the report. He seemed genuinely surprised and confused by the results we had, compared to what he had originally."

"So what now? Some lunch and coffee? Find Mr Carper and see what his excuse is?" He looked at me expectantly, like a puppy ready for a walk.

"I vote for finding where this Ben Carper is now. Finding out what his side to this is."

"By the way, you owe me ten dollars." I turned to face him, confused. "M.E blamed the lab, our bet." He waggled his eyebrows at me.

"I never put any money down on the table." I responded with a grim smile and turned the key in the ignition.

**

Carper turned out to be a pretty hard guy to find.

After the lab shut down, it seemed to be pretty hard for anyone who worked there to get another job in a lab.

He turned out to be just outside the City, working as a pharmacist's assistant.

He was single, both parents were dead and no other family to speak of that we could find.

His father had been a doctor. His mother had been a housewife.

Nothing stood out, except that he seemed like a loner. But then again, so was I, so couldn't really just hold that against him.

"You're 'taking a few days off', but you're in the office?" Ryan said leaning on my desk to see what we were doing.

"Yep, we won't be here long." I said dismissing him.

Castle placed a cup of coffee in front of me. I looked down at it like I'd never seen a cup of coffee before. "It's good, I promise." He said dropping into his normal seat.

"Thanks." I murmured, focusing back on the information front of me.

"It's laced with cyanide and a bit of anti-freeze, but still tastes good." His words slowly filtered through my thoughts and I looked over at him confused.

"Just wanted to get your attention. What have you found?" He sipped at his coffee.

_What had I found? He seemed like any other guy._

"He's got no family, single, and works pretty much all the time. He doesn't have anything jumping out at me. Except for the analysis reports, he seems like a regular guy."

_I never spoke to Carper when I was checking the case. I had spoken to his boss, but had no reason to speak to him directly._

"So who is this guy and why are we looking into him." Ryan asked from behind me.

I saw hand signals from Castle motioning Ryan to stop questioning about this.

"_We_ are not looking into him. Castle and I are. He may have tampered with DNA analysis and we're planning on speaking with him about it." I snapped and glared in Castle's direction.

"Who put grumpy in her coffee this morning?" Esposito joked, as he joined our group looking at the screen over my shoulder.

"Run man, run." Castle warned.

I felt my annoyance level reach its limit. Is it too much to ask to keep something from them?

I stood up and looked at them all. "Okay, this guy we're looking into? He's tampered with DNA analysis from an old case. Well we think he's tampered with it. If not, he will hopefully know who has."

"So...why are we looking into a cold case? Are there new leads?" Ryan asked carefully.

My throat chose that moment to close up. I coughed to try and clear it.

"Yeah, there are new leads. It could help us get this guy." Castle jumped in for me.

"Okay, so who's the vic?" Esposito questioned, looking back at the screen.

"She's not a 'vic'. She's my mother." I said firmly. These two will not see me break down. I need their respect after this ends. _If it ends._

Esposito shot a look at Castle. Castle shook his head at him. _So you're the one that gave him the case._

I didn't know whether to yell at him, or feel grateful to him for allowing Castle to see this.

"So what's next on the agenda, Beckett?" Esposito asked. All three of them were looking at me for direction. All three of them were willing to give me their all to get to the bottom of this.

My heart tightened and I felt a pride in my team. We would all give anything to help the other.

I looked over at Castle, "We question Carper and take it from there." Then shifted my gaze towards the other two, "Can you two, ask Bill over at the lab how this could happen? How someone could doctor results and then change them back without anyone noticing."

Ryan and Esposito nodded and grabbed their jackets to go. "Guys," I called out after them, "Thanks for doing this." They both raised their eyebrows in mock surprise, and walked out.

"You got some good people there, Beckett." Castle commented.

"Don't I know it."


	5. AN

Due to one of my family members being terminally ill and ongoing real life stuff, this story is now officially on hiatus.

Sorry, lately I haven't had two seconds to myself, let alone for writing. I have some time off work soon, so hoping to get to/finish this story then.


End file.
